Late Shift Date Night Ideas

Tags

Date Night, Day Trip, Dinner, Game Night, Late Shift, Life, Love, Movie Night, Night Shift, Open Late, Relationships, Restaurants, Weekend Date, Work

Still working on motivating myself to continue turning my list of ideas into blog posts.  At the top of my list, a post I thought would be good with Valentine’s Day coming up.  It’s the perfect time to post ideas for date night.  I have a bit of a different take on this for this particular post.

David tends to work late shifts.  He has enjoyed a few jobs in which he worked a later shift, and his current employment has him leaving work most nights between 8 PM and 9 PM.  His schedule really works well in a lot of ways, but it does present some unique considerations in terms of spending time together, especially going out together.

Late shifts lend themselves just as well toward going out for drinks, going to clubs, and going out on the weekends.  However, David and I don’t really have much use for clubs.  They’re just not our thing.  I believe he may have outgrown them, and run out of use for them now that he has me.  I just never was interested in them.  We like places that are conducive to conversation.  I also do not drink, and David is more a drink with dinner sort.  I’m sure there are more like us, so with that said, I have some advice.

You might suggest that one could have a date together before work.  To some extent that is true, but, I find that doing anything before work can feel more rushed than doing something after work.  Even if, as with many jobs, there isn’t a great deal of time then.  The schedule is typically a bit more forgiving.

Of course the obvious solution to an odd schedule and late, sometimes long, hours during the week is to just have dates on the weekend.  Weekend dates are great, and I have plenty to say about those.  But, we like to try to find time together during the week.  The best way we’ve found to do this is to have dinner together.  It’s not usually a glamorous dinner, but we don’t really care about that to be honest.  We just sit down and eat a good dinner we both like, and have plenty of conversation and laughs.  This is great fun, but not everywhere is open by the time David has left work, made it through his commute, and freshened up from a long day at work.  Lucky for you, I have a list of places we like that are open if you have a schedule like this, in order of the ones we like most or visit most.

• Denny’s:  Open 24/7:  They have breakfast food all day, and also some nice dinner options.  Can I just say that breakfast for dinner is right at the top of my list?  We almost always get breakfast, and I’m very picky about my breakfast, but they do it right.  I don’t care for their sausage, though, so I typically substitute bacon.
• Steak ‘n Shake:  Open 24/7:  Inexpensive, perfect for odd hours, and I think this restaurant appeals to my affection for the 1950′s.  I was surprised that I actually like their chili.  That’s saying something for me.  I haven’t had anything I didn’t care for at all.
• Little Caesars Pizza: The one we go to is open until 10 PM except on Friday and Saturday, when it is open until 11 PM.  This food isn’t everyone’s idea of a good date, but it’s great for a movie night, and you can get a pizza for $5.  Their hot and ready pizzas are great for making the most of your time if you don’t have much of it, and it’s great on days that a date might night otherwise be in the budget.
• Domino’s Pizza:  The one where he lives is usually open until around 11 PM.  Some are open–or deliver–until midnight.  The advantage here is that they actually have pasta.  If you want to have a nicer dinner, you can get pasta, put it on actual plates, and have dinner.
• Qdoba Mexican Grill:  The one we go to is open until 11 PM Mon-Sat, 10 PM Sundays.  Filling, not too expensive, and better quality than Taco Bell.  However, just saying, Taco Bell is open later.
• Texas Roadhouse:  Peanuts on the floor, but they’re open until 10 PM Mon-Thurs and Sundays and 11 PM Fri & Sat and they do serve a very good dinner.  I love their rolls, and my steak is always right.  That’s very good in my book.
• Applebees:  The one David takes me to is open until 2 AM Mon-Sat and 12am Sundays.    They have hamburgers, but they also have steaks, seafood, and pasta.  Their maple butter pecan blondie is delicious, but honestly very over priced.  I recommend skipping the dessert.

It’s also fun to cook together if you have the house to yourselves.  If you do this, though, I suggest you make sure you’re prepared to start cooking right after work. Make sure you have all your ingredients handy.

There are a few things David and I like to do during the week to spend a little more time together relaxing and having fun in addition to dinner.

• Go for a drive without a destination.  Talking and sing a longs are the best.  I can’t see much scenery in the dark, but honestly, I think that only makes us like it more, as we really focus on each other.  Still, sometimes we do find interesting things for a day trip this way.
• Have a picnic, weather permitting.  This is especially nice during the summer and is nicely combined with our drives.  We just find a nice place outside to park, hopefully with a picnic table, and eat together.  I love the fresh air.  It really helps me feel grounded and settled when I’m up north in the city with him.  (I jest a bit, but I’m sort of serious.)
• Movie night.  Watch a favorite movie or rent a new one and cuddle up together. Netflix is also great for this.
• Game night.  Choose a favorite board game or video game and play just one game, or if you’re more competitive, best two out of 3.

These things don’t necessarily mean staying up later than intended.  They leave time to just be lazy together.  One thing that I find is true about spending time together during the week is that I typically don’t like to do things that keep us out or busy right up until time for bed.  I like to have some time to unwind and just sit in the quiet or cuddle before it’s time to go to sleep.  I’d even go as far as to say that it makes for more restful sleep and a better feeling of closeness for me.  We are so pressed for time, I really like to spend it wisely.

The weekends are the best way to spend our time together wisely.  David works one or two Saturdays a month, but he gets off in the early afternoon those days, which does leave time for some nice dates.

• If the weather is right, we sometimes like to have some lunch and spend the better part of the day at the park, then maybe watch a favorite DVD and go out for dinner later on.  If the weather is hot, there might be ice cream involved.  In cold weather, we’ll often grab a coffee.
• The thing that we really love to do, which keeps things exciting for us and helps us spend quality time together without interruption, while building fantastic memories is to pick out a place near us and go for a day trip.  For more information about that, check out this post about a day trip we took one weekend.  If you’re concerned about the money for something like this, set aside even as little as 10 dollars from each pay check, and you’ll be able to do something different, and maybe a little bit special, without worrying.  Smaller cities or towns often offer better prices for things.  As well, try eating lunch rather than dinner at restaurants that might cost more.  Often, it will be considerably more inexpensive.

Date nights are a little different for us for a lot of reasons: his hours at work, his commute, and our long distance relationship among them.  It really makes good use of my frugal nature, and helps us find plenty of creative ways to make the most of our time together.  I hope this post is interesting or helpful for someone.  I know people tend to like my date idea posts.

Realizing my Purpose

Tags

Blessings, Christianity, Forgiveness, God, Heart, Life, Life Path, Love, Philosophy, Purpose, Religion

I’m sure that the new year has a lot of people thinking about what their purpose in life might be, or what gifts God has given them.  I know there was a time when I spent hours of the day wondering what that was.  In the grand scheme of things, I suppose it really wasn’t all that long ago, only a few years.  So much has changed since then, and I have learned so much.  I can’t tell you why, as I really don’t know, but for some reason, I feel like this is something I should share.

This story begins in 2008.  This was the year I turned 18.  This year was the year that I decided what I wanted to do with my life.  It was the year that I went away to college and moved into a dorm room.  It was the year that I became a sexual assault survivor.  But, it also became the year that I did a lot of soul searching.

Not many people know, but in my spare time, when no one knew where I was, this was the year I spent hours praying.  In the meditation chapel on campus and sometimes just lying in the sun.  For hours, I would clear my mind and think and pray and those were the hours that gave me peace and kept me going.

In those hours, something I began to ask God was what I was doing here.  I felt understandably directionless.  I wanted to know what my purpose was.  Something most of you wouldn’t imagine is that I also spent time praying for the person who assaulted me, one day in particular I remember tearing up, telling God that I forgive that man and asking him to change his heart and make him a better man.

That year, I also realized what I was doing here.  I knew what God wanted from me.  I wouldn’t understand it until a little later, and I wouldn’t see all the joy and blessings that would come from it, but I knew that I had a beautiful gift from God, a special reason for being here, and something good to put back into the world.  I am far from perfect, so please know that I am saying this out of wonder and thankfulness, not to make others feel less.

I have been given the gift of a loving and forgiving heart.  Forgiveness, compassion, and love for my fellow man flow naturally for me.  I’m not saying I don’t get hurt.  I’ve been hurt a lot during my short life.  I have never been able to hate.  I have always been able to forgive, and for that I am incredibly thankful.  When I realized this, that God has blessed me in this way, I knew that practicing forgiveness and love would be my purpose.  I had no idea where that would take me, or how that would grow in my life, and I didn’t know how blessed I would be.  Life was hard, but in the summer of 2009, I moved back home and my life changed and began to take shape.

I left one life behind, not knowing what was ahead, and all that left room for the path I am on now.  I was home and those ties were the roots I needed to feel grounded and safe again.  Being there, having roots again, being surrounded by the love of family and my church family there at home soothed me and put me on my feet.

I was toddling, and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hard or that I didn’t feel anxious about where life was taking me, but it didn’t take long for more changes to come.  Something changed that would honestly change the path of my future in a very real way.  In more ways than one, and that something, that someone, came at just the right time.  God gave me love.  When I was broken, slowly healing, God gave me something  I wasn’t looking for and did not think I was ready for.

In the summer of 2009, David came into my life.  I fell in love with him.  I honestly can’t explain it any other way than knowing that this was true love.  It didn’t make very much practical sense to us.  I hadn’t asked for it.  But that space that forgiveness had left waiting in my heart, that one free soft, clean, bright, and lovely space was the one that I know God filled with love for the man I was meant to love, who was meant to love me.

In the 3 years we have been together so far, I have seen a glimpse of the spirit of God in the way that he loves me, the way that he forgives me when I fall flat on my face, his patience, the diligence with which he seeks me out when I put walls up, and all that he has taught me about love.  The Bible says in Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it.”  We aren’t married, but that wonderful example of Christ-like love is what I have been given.  He is my first love, and he has taught me so much of how to love and shown me that I am so much more capable of love than I imagined, and along the way I have grown in love and forgiveness, and he is a part of that.

I thank God for that and the many changes and blessings that have happened in those 3 years.  They have filled me with love and brought me closer to God.  They helped me feel His love and forgiveness more deeply and abundantly as well.  I am stronger for the change in direction that my plans took when I moved home and I am so glad that I have been led to the path my life is on today.  It isn’t what I imagined it would be, but it is so much more incredible and I feel like I am more and more realizing my purpose.  I cannot wait to see where this path takes me in the years to come and I look forward to growing and learning everything I can about the blessings I have been given and putting them into action.

LDR: Spending a Holiday Apart

Tags

Apart For Holidays, Christmas, Holiday, LDR, Life, Long Distance Relationship, Love, Relationship

2009

2010

2011

Until a couple days ago, David and I had planned to spend Christmas together, as I believe I had said here on the blog.  Due to unforeseen circumstances, however, it just isn’t the best idea.  It will be much better for us to wait, so we’ve postponed our holiday visit for the following weekend.  To be honest, that was a rather sad realization for us at first.  We hadn’t spent Christmas apart before and realizing it so close to time just made it a bit of a shock.  However, like many things, we’ve gotten past the initial sadness together, really pretty quickly.  Now, what’s interesting about this post is that I had already planned to write about this at some point anyway, but, after yesterday, I thought now would be a good time.  I want to talk a bit about spending a holiday apart, and share some tips for having a happy holiday, even apart.

One of the first things that I thought of after the initial sadness had worn off is that  this will be a great opportunity to spend time with my family.  My mom will love spending time with me.  Honestly, I am sort of excited now about spending time with everyone and having a house full of family.  I’m sort of looking forward to spending Christmas day on the couch, in my pajamas, eating too much leftovers from my mom’s incredibly tasty Christmas Eve dinner and watching Christmas movies.  I do love my family, and I’m lucky to have some really great family members who are a joy to be around.  No, that isn’t sarcasm.  I really recommend spending as much time with your family, friends, or family of friends as you can.  It’s just a great blessing anyway, but when you have to be apart from your significant other, it really helps to have other people you love around.

Something else about postponing our next visit is that it will make things a lot better.  We’ll be able to have a better visit, and things should be easier.  Because of that, it’s really a lot of fun to think about.  So, in the next week or so, I’m sure we’ll be spending time thinking of ways to make our next visit a great visit.  We’ll talk about things to do together.  We might even plan a date or two to look forward to.  Maybe you have something you always do together, that both of you really enjoy.  Or, maybe there’s just something fun you’ve wanted to do, like a new restaurant you want to try, or an activity, maybe a movie is coming out that you both want to see.  I find that this always really helps when we are apart, and I’m sure it will be a great help to us for Christmas as well.

For my last tip, I’d like to share something that we plan to do for Christmas, while we’re apart that will help us share Christmas together, from a distance, and feel close to each other, even though we’re apart.  David and I have planned a little online date.  It might sound silly, I guess if you’ve never been apart from the one you love, but for us, it’s a way to feel close, and to do normal couple things when being together just isn’t possible.  We’ll share our days, we’ll watch a Christmas movie together, and we’ll even see each other.  It won’t be the same, but it will be fun, and we always enjoy spending time together.  If you know you will be spending your next holiday apart, maybe you can mail your special someone a care package.  Perhaps include some popcorn, cocoa, maybe even a movie for the two of you to watch, then share in the same experience during your holiday.

Now that I’ve given you my tips when it comes to spending a holiday apart, I’d like to leave with one final thought.  Christmas is not just a day.  It’s something we carry with us.  The whole holiday season really is more than just a few important days when people have parties and special meals.  It’s a time when we celebrate the good things, the important things, the special things.  It’s a time when we carry a bit of that childlike whimsy and innocence with us everywhere we go.  There’s no reason we can’t have that anytime we like if we just allow it, if we hold on to it, and hold it close.  There’s certainly no reason why it should matter what day we choose to celebrate all those wondrous things and bountiful blessings, particularly with the one we love.  I hope that you will keep the spirit of the season with you in your heart once the parties are over, and decorations boxed up, and I hope that the love and joy you share with that special someone will help to give you peace and joy this holiday season, no matter where you are.

October Day Trip to Cumberland Falls

Tags

Autumn, Blogging, Cumberland Falls State Park Kentucky, Date, Day Trip, Leaves, Life, Long Distance Relationship, Love, Modest Style, Mountains, OOTD, Outdoors, Outfit Of The Day, Pictures, Travel, Waterfall

This is a bit belated.  I had said I would probably be making a post or two about what we’re up to here.  At the beginning of our visit in October we took a fantastic detour on the way to Indiana.  We stopped by Cumberland Falls again, this time to see it in Autumn, while the leaves had changed.  It is a sight to see.  David took pictures with his camera.   I had intended to share some photos from that trip earlier, but my computer came down with a nasty illness last month and David had to wipe my hard drive.  I only recently loaded the pictures, which he was so kind to help me save, back onto my computer.  So, I’m here to share them with our family and friends, and generally those who might be interested.  I hope you enjoy them, it was a beautiful day, and a time to remember, for sure.  I am so blessed to have him, and not only because of days like this.

There were ladybugs absolutely swarming at this overlook. Yet not one made it into the photos.

Autumn Date Outfit Ideas

Tags

Autumn, Beauty, Cider and Donuts Picnic, Clothing, Date Outfits, Daytime Dates, Drusgstore Makeup, Fall, Fall Fashion, Life, Lipstick Dupes, Love, Mac Show Orchid Lipstick, Men's Fall Date Outfit Idea, Modest Style, NYC, Outdoors, Relationships, Revlon Super Lustrous Pear Lipstick Wild Orchid, Style, Sunglasses in Autumn, The Art Of Manliness, Wet N Wild

As promised, I’m here with a post about autumn date outfit ideas as a complement to my earlier Autumn Date Ideas post.  Since most of my ideas involve being outdoors, and a bit of walking around, I’ll be focusing on outfits well suited to that.

This is a photo from our trip to Cumberland Falls over the weekend. If you know us on Facebook, yes, this is the profile picture.  I strongly recommend deep saturated colors for fall.

Outfit Ideas

• My first outfit idea is actually what I wore over the weekend.  Jeans, a cozy sweater, and flat knee high or mid calf boots.  I definitely recommend flat boots for this kind of outdoor activity.  I did see a girl hobbling through the grass in heels, but it didn’t look like fun and more so than that, her heels were worse for the wear.  Save the heels for indoor activities or more even surfaces like pavement.  As well, some nature preserves might look down on heels as they poke holes in soft ground.  The sweater I wore was short sleeved and tunic length.  I liked this because it provided added modesty and a flattering shape, but was a nice balance to keep me from getting a bit too warm in the more moderate weather we were experiencing.  Another advantage for a look like this is that afterward, you can clean it up a bit and look a bit less outdoorsy.  I dusted off my (brown suede mid calf) boots,  brushed my hair back into shape, and added a vibrant lipstick.  The lip color I used was NYC (New York Color) Ultra Last Lipwear in Blue Rose (405), which I have read is a dupe for Mac’s Show Orchid.  I can say for sure that it is a dupe for Revlon’s Super Lustrous Pearl Lipstick in Wild Orchid (457) as that is what I was looking at in Walmart when I decided to see if NYC had a dupe.

• My next outfit idea is for layering.  Try some jeans, a casual button up, cute flats, and an out of the ordinary jacket.  Maybe try a blazer or a swing jacket.  Not everyone thinks of this sort of outfit for outdoor fun, but if you’re out on a walk, it’s actually pretty comfortable in the right cut and material.  Added bonus: if you’re sight seeing, this will look great in pictures.

• An alternative layering idea for more moderate fall weather is probably a bit more comfortable for a lot of people and has more freedom of movement.  Cute ballet flats or other fall flats (like my burgundy suede loafers for a pop of color and textural interest),  jeans, a soft knit top, and a cardigan.  This has so many opportunities for mixing and matching and is an easy way to really make the most of your personal style.

If you’re not going to be doing any hiking and things of that nature, maybe you’re like me and you’d like to wear a skirt or dress.  Don’t be afraid to wear a skirt or dress for a more casual daytime date, even outdoors.  I have some ideas for that too.

• Try a corduroy skirt with a blouse, tights, and comfy flats.
• Go for a denim skirt with a top that’s a bit less casual like a silky printed blouse or soft sweater with coordinating flats.  The more you mix this up, the better.  Too often a denim skirt looks a little hum drum with the same frumpy t-shirt and ponytail over and over.  You can avoid that by buying the skirt in a different shape (mine has a bit of a retro circle skirt feel) or pairing it with funky, unexpected pieces.
• Wear a sweater dress or knit dress with a softer fabric and fit that can lend itself better to a more casual but feminine look.  It’s more informal and comfortable.  Add tights for comfort and modesty.  Choose from a wide variety of flats!  Boots, booties if you like, ballet flats, there are really so many options this time of year.  I think I’d go with a cardigan or maybe a more casual material for my jacket for this.  Maybe something with color if your dress is neutral.

Hair and Makeup

I like to go for low maintenance looks in this department that are simple and have staying power.  I don’t like to add a great deal of heat as I don’t air dry my hair in the winter, it’s like sitting under a wet blanket for hours.  As for makeup I’m always doing something in the fall so I like something quick and easy, and as well I tend to wear a lot of rich colors so I like something that complements that and doesn’t compete with it.

So what do I do for makeup in the fall?  I tend to wear my face makeup (foundation and powder) that looks as natural as possible for my very pale skin and just skip the bronzer in favor of a natural blush that is well blended.  For the eyes, I like them to be natural, but defined with thick black lashes, a thin line of eyeliner, and gold or muted rosey tones for my eyeshadow mainly applied with a very light hand as they tend to blend into my skin tone while still giving me a bit of color and definition.  I tend to use shimmery or metallic formulas to brighten, though.  They keep me looking bright eyed and bushy tailed.  For a natural look, I just use Lip Smackers, which actually adds a touch of shine and keeps your lips smooth and moisturized, but for a pop of color I like to add a vibrant lipstick.  For me, I prefer a bright, saturated, cool red with a gold shimmer…or a cool, deep saturated pink with purple undertones.  This year that means Wet n Wild Silk Finish Lipstick in Cherry Frost (514A) and the aforementioned Blue Rose from NYC.

For my hair, I wear it down a lot more in the fall and winter months.  I think a lot of people do.  I do this both just because it’s more comfortable in fall than summer and because I just think it looks so nice with fall clothing.  I do like to mix it up now and then, though.  I especially like a half up style.  It’s the best of both worlds and maybe sometimes a bit more interesting than just leaving it down.  Have to break up the monotony, you know.   I thought I’d share some pins from my Hairstyle Lookbook on Pinterest.  They’re all just hairstyles I’ve collected.  Some I know I’m going to use this fall, some I already like to use.  None of them are pictures of my own hair, though, obviously.

Source: youtube.com via Rachel on Pinterest

I love this one, I’m actually wearing it right now. It’s easy and I think it’s soft and romantic. David likes it.

Source: google.com via Rachel on Pinterest

This one is shown as a wedding hairstyle, but I think it would be great for a date. Without the tiara, obviously.

Source: joannagoddard.blogspot.com via Rachel on Pinterest

I love the picture of this hairstyle and I’m so excited to try it. I think it would look great with curly hair, which is my natural texture and probably what I’ll do this with. Added bonus: already know it would look great with a nice cozy sweater as it is shown that way if you go see the original post.

Source: harpersbazaar.com via Rachel on Pinterest

Finally, this hairstyle–simply two low (traditional three strand) braided buns–was shown in the fall 2012 Marc Jacobs runway show with a hat.

Favorite Accessories

• Scarves:  Not just to keep you warm.  They’re a great way to add color, print, or texture to an outfit.  They come in so many different materials now, in different weights for different weather.
• Hats:  I love fall hats!  They’re a great way to show your own unique style.  They keep your head warm in cold weather.  They drastically cut your styling time.  They keep your hair nice and tidy and out of your eyes in a breeze.  I have some fun modern hats but I love a fedora (I know kind of a nod to menswear, not really my usual) or my ultimate favorite, a cloche!

• Sunglasses:  I know a lot of people think of these as a summer accessory, but the sun does not stop shining when the weather gets cooler!  I say keep wearing them.  I love my big tortoise shell print sunglasses with my fall clothing, as you can see in this picture from our last visit.

September 2012

For the gentlemen, I also found this on the Art of Manliness website.  An outfit idea for a cider and donuts picnic.  I know it’s one huge advertisement, but it’s a great date idea and I actually like the outfit.  It would be easy to find a more budget friendly alternative.

I hope this was a fun post and that I may have given you some useful ideas or tips for your fall dates this year.  If you haven’t yet, please do check out my autumn date ideas post.

LDR: Holiday Planning

Tags

Advice, Holiday Planning, Holiday Travel, Holidays, How do you do the holidays?, Life, Long Distance Relationships, Love, Question, Relationships, Tips, Travel

A question I get a lot, especially this time of year from those who know David and I are in a long distance relationship is “How do you do the holidays?”  Well, that’s sort of both simple and complex.  In the three years we’ve been together, we’ve sort of figured out a starting place, but it’s still something we have to decide every year.  I know a lot of people, both in long distance relationships, and others, have the same decision to make, so I thought I’d write this post telling you some of the factors we have taken into consideration when planning where we will spend our holidays, mainly referring to the holidays season:  Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the new year.

I’ll start with the main considerations we take into account.

• Do any of our relatives have a special tradition for this holiday, or is it especially important to them?  Would it hurt their feelings if we miss it?
• Do we have a special attachment to being somewhere or with someone on a certain day or for a certain tradition during the holidays?
• Which of our relatives will be home during this holiday?  Will any of them be traveling?
• Will our relatives have other family around, or will our absence leave empty places at the family table?
• Will these people have the opportunity to see us during the holidays if we don’t travel to see them?  Are they making a trip anyway?
• Are we going to be there anyway without making a special trip?
• What is best for our schedule?  In other words, how much time can we allot each activity and leave time for safe travel?

Then, there are the obstacles…

• How do the finances look?  The holidays are a bit tighter for most people anyway, but if you’re travelling during the holidays, how many hours you’ve gotten this paycheck as compared to the price of gasoline and the number of miles to drive may very well make your decision for you.
• How much time do we have to travel?  A lot of people do get at least one day off during the holidays, but not everyone does.  As well, if you only get one day and will be travelling a number of hours, well, there just may not be enough hours in the day to do everything you’d like to do, go everywhere you’d like to go, or see everyone you’d like to see.

Now then, what do we do?

When David and I started out, we wanted to do everything, make everyone happy, and not leave anyone out.  Our first Christmas was fantastic, but it was on a very rigid timetable, things moved quickly, and although it was wonderful, it was quite stressful for both of us.  He drove four hours to come get me earlier in the week, then four hours to take me to where he lives.  Then,  the night of the 23rd he drove more than two hours so that we could see his mom early the morning of Christmas Eve.  We had breakfast with her and then immediately left on what was probably a five to six hour drive to have dinner with my mother and spend Christmas with her.  We spent half the day in holiday traffic.  When we got to my mother’s house dinner had been done for a few minutes.  We weren’t late exactly, we got there just in time to be polite.  Sounds exhausting, doesn’t it?  It was, but it was still a good time.  We had a visit in Indiana like we like to do and got to do all those couple things like looking at Christmas lights, then we got to spend a bit of time with his mom, and we got to spend Christmas with my family, which meant I got to introduce him to some of them for the first time.  That was all wonderful.  In the grand scheme of things, though, I don’t think it’s something we’ll elect to do again.  It wasn’t the most practical choice, and with all that stress, having done things differently now, I know, Christmas was not as holly jolly as it can be.

After that, we came up with an idea to sort of put the holidays into a rotation.  That was a good idea in theory, and I would recommend others try it, but all in all, it isn’t the best way exactly for us.

So, what are we doing this year?  Well, the plan is that he’ll come down to Kentucky to spend Thanksgiving with my family and then we’ll come back up to Indiana for a bit and spend time together before Christmas.  This might be different next year, but for this year, it’s the best solution, and as it works out, it would have been my mom’s year for Thanksgiving anyway.  Last year we didn’t get to spend Thanksgiving together for various reasons, and his father and stepmother typically spend Thanksgiving with other family.

Christmas is an interesting dilemma as well.  This year we’re hoping that he can make it to Kentucky to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with my family and then we will leave that night so that he can be on time for work.  His father and step mother do more celebrating the weekend following Christmas so that they can see their grandchildren, which works out well for us.  We’ll spend some time with them then and we’ll get to start the new year together.  His mother typically comes to Indiana around Christmas to see the grandchildren as well, so hopefully we’ll get to see her then if she has time when David isn’t at work.  I think things will work out either way.  This is definitely the best, most practical, least stressful solution we could come to this year.

Basically, what this means is that we will both be back and forth a bit.  I’ll be spending some time away during the holidays.  While I’m in town I’ll be trying to catch up with everyone and spend as much quality time with my momma as possible.  He’ll be quite the busy beaver making it all happen.

Hopefully we do a good job making this difficult decision every year.  I know we do the best we can, especially David.  God love him, he works as hard as he can and does the best he can to do right by everyone, especially me.  My best advice for deciding what to do about the holidays is to do what you can, and do what will make you happy.

My best advice to those who are long distance around the holidays is:

• Concentrate on love and joy as best you can and put the rest in the background.  Now is the time to have your priorities straight.  Be thankful for what you’ve been blessed with and have a little faith that things will work out.  Don’t try so hard to make it all happen.
• Be reasonable.  Don’t be a hero, you can only do what is humanly possible.  Save the rest for another time.
• Be flexible.  The unexpected can and will happen.  That’s okay.  It will be okay.  Make that your mantra.
• Don’t be long distance any longer than you have to!  I jest of course,  A little…  Things are wonderful now, but we’re very much looking forward to being together in a home that is ours for the holidays someday.

I hope you and yours have a happy holiday season, wherever your home and heart may be.

Love Built To Last Autumn Update

Tags

Apple, Autumn, Baking, Blogging, Category, Cold Weather, Cranberry, Date Ideas, Date Night Outfits, Dates, Desserts, Fall, Food, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Holidays, Hot Drink, Life, Love, Modesty, Oatmeal, Packing, Plans, Relationships, Respect, Schedule, Style, Subscribe, Travel, Update, Writing

After my post yesterday about packing and the long distance relationship, I decided I wanted to do a little bit of an update post.  I actually have a lot of ideas for posts, and plan to be writing maybe a little more than usual this month.  I have also created a new category here on Love Built To Last.  So, I’m going to just explain a bit about what’s going to be happening this fall here on my relationship blog.

First, I’ll get to the new category.  You may or may not have noticed this, but I created a Long Distance Relationship category.  You’ll find that in the side bar under the heading “Organized Chaos” as well as on my Find It Fast page.  For anyone who doesn’t know, David and I are in a long distance relationship.  The category here on the blog came about because previously, I only had one humorous post about what I do when we’re apart, but since then I have recently added a couple posts about packing & the long distance relationship.  I thought the 3 posts were probably a good enough start to warrant a category that would make them easier to find.  I did say “start” just now, didn’t I?  That’s because these three posts are a foreshadowing of more posts to come.  I have a few ideas for posts about this, and you’ll likely see at least one more of those before winter.  I hope that people will enjoy this part of the blog.

I’d also like to fill you in on some posts that you can expect to see this month should you be interested.  I will be writing a modest style post to go along with my Autumn Date Ideas post.  I thought this would be nice.  I’ve seen a lot of date night outfit ideas on magazine sites, but to be honest, I don’t really take much away when I read those.  There aren’t a great deal of modest ideas, and really I just think they’re a little more fashion magazine (sort of conceptual) and a little less man-friendly.  Let’s be honest, a lot of guys like outfits that are just simple and cute and easy for them to understand.  Why are you wearing shorts with pantyhose in the fall?  They just don’t get that.  Why are you wearing a leather jacket and boots with that frilly dress?  I’m joking, of course, not too serious, but it is true.  So I’ll be sharing my simple, practical ideas for cute cozy outfits for different types of dates.

Something very much in line with what I normally do on Love Built To Last, but just a bit different, is a topic I have mentioned quite a few times, but have been planning to eventually post about more often.  I will be writing at least one post about this before winter as well.  Respect.  It is a very big part of our relationship, and something I have written about before.  I will, however, be focusing on it specifically and what it means in my relationship with David, and how I demonstrate respect.  Honestly, it may grow into a category.  I definitely hope those posts will be helpful and interesting for others and maybe give those we know a little bit more insight into how we relate to each other.

Another post was inspired by a question people have been asking quite a bit.  That is “How do you do the holidays?”  How do David and I decide how to schedule our holidays, what is it like, how does it work, does it change, what are the deciding factors, what about the time, how do we feel about the situation?  Those sorts of things.  Honestly, the holidays are a very busy time for us and making this decision is a big deal every year.  If you’re interested in this, or if you’re trying to figure this out yourselves this year, I will be posting this before Halloween.

You might also see a post here or two about what we’re up to this fall.  I’m pretty sure there will be at least one new picture.  So for those close to us, don’t worry you’ll get updated too.  David and I are planning to see each other in a week’s time.  So we’ll be busy little people.

Finally, I thought I’d just post a link here to some autumn and Halloween related posts.

From Love Built To Last:

• My most recent post:  Autumn Date Ideas
• Last year’s Halloween Costume:  A Very Rockabilly Halloween
• A list of ideas for modest Halloween costumes:  Modest Costume Inspiration

From Princess In The Kitchen, a list of recipes I enjoy for fall:

• Apple Sauce Cake
• Cranberry Orange Oatmeal Scone Drops
• Cranberry Sweet Tea
• Hot Caramel Apple Drink
• Oatmeal Apple Scone Drops
• Oatmeal Cake
• Oatmeal Chippers
• Oatmeal Cookies
• Smores Bars
• Stuffed Banana Bread Toast

I hope you enjoy the addition of these recipe links.  Some of them have things I typically associate with cooler weather, like apples and cranberries.  Others are just cozy recipes that are great served warm.  :)

If you’re interested in what’s coming up, be sure to check those posts out this month.  You can also subscribe in the side bar if you want to find those more easily.

Packing & The Long Distance Relationship: The Outline

Tags

Blogging, Life, Long Distance Relationship, Love, Packing, Relationships

I’ve been meaning to post again for a little while, and I have a list of ideas for posts to come, but this has been one heck of an allergy season and Benadryl does not help me write in cogent sentences.  This seems to be similar to the way a lot of blog posts start, doesn’t it?  What is it with blogs and taking unintended sabbaticals?  Please let me know if you have any tips for this.  Still, today I’ve actually got a clear head–well, as clear as mine gets–and some spare time to share something with you.

You might already know if you read this blog, David and I are in a long distance relationship.  This is something about our relationship I haven’t concentrated on as much, but intend to write more about in the not-too-distant future.  So, most of the time we are apart, but whenever we get the chance, I go to Indiana for a while to visit him.  Early on in our relationship we saw each other a weekend at a time, but now it’s usually for a week or two.  This means I have done a lot of planning and packing in the past few years.  So, I thought I’d share a basic outline of how I get that done.

Step 1:  Schedule a visit.  This can be a bit of whirlwind in itself, but usually David has more to work around in this step.

Step 2:  Follow the weather for my hometown and his and a place or two in between.

Step 3:  Start thinking about clothes.  What will the weather be like?  What are we going to do?  What might we do?  What kind of wardrobe surprises might pop up and how the heck does one plan for all that?

Step 4:  Get tired thinking about it and think about what I’m going to bake instead.

Step 5:  Realize I need a few things from the store and endeavor to make a list.

Step 6:  Choose what to bake instead.

Step 7:  Finally make that list because I’m going to the store tomorrow.

Step 8:  Go to the store and pick up everything I need.  Today would also be a good day to choose what I’m going to pack so that packing is less stressful and I don’t have to spend the whole day doing it.  Ironing might be a good idea too.

Step 9:  Endeavor to choose what to pack and wash and iron things, but realize when I get back from the store right around dinner time that now might be a bit late.

Step 10:  It’s Friday and he’ll be here tonight so today I choose what to pack, do any necessary laundry or ironing or preparations, pack everything I won’t need to use before we leave, bake a lot, make myself presentable again (shave, tweeze, get my hair trimmed, blah blah blah) and pretend I didn’t let myself go just before I needed to look good again.  HEY I HAVE TWO EYEBROWS?!  GET OUT!!!

Promise myself I won’t procrastinate so much next time.  Sure, sure.  I believe me.

This post was mainly just for fun.  I hope you had a little chuckle at my expense.  I always do.  In the future, I will probably write a post with a few packing tips, good advice, especially some tips specific to packing for a visit in a long distance relationship.

Do you hate to pack, even if you’re excited about where you’re going?  Do you procrastinate?  Any tips?

A Foundation for the Future

Tags

Children, family, Foundation, Future, Life, Love, Marriage, Parenting, Philosophy, Relationships

I guess it’s obvious from my previous posts, but David and I talk and think a lot about the future, because we know that we will be sharing our future.  I think a lot about how our relationship works, how it is different from other relationships, how it is similar, what we want for our relationship and our future together.  Maybe a bit more than usual, partially because of this blog, partially because of the type of relationship we have, and partly because now that David and I have been together for so long, people see how serious we are and they want to know more about our relationship, our plans, etc.  So, they ask a lot of questions.  Everything just conspires to keep me thinking.  This time, I’ve had some very interesting thoughts and/or observations that I want to try to share with you as best I can.

Something you may not know about David and I is that someday, once we are married, we hope to have children.  We talk about this from time to time, sometimes just joking about something we’ve seen, saying “our kids will never do that.”  Other people also seem to just assume we will have children.  I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard, “your children” or “when you two have kids.”  I generally smile a little every time, both happy to think about what’s ahead of us, and amused that this just slips out in conversation.  Sometimes they try to correct it, but it’s just kind of funny.  Obviously, this is no surprise to anyone.

Something that may be more surprising, though, is that David and I already think of each other as a family.  We are each other’s family now, strange as that may sound.  The first time we realized this was our first year together.  We were in the car in November, talking about our plans for the holidays, and wondering how that would work out.  We talked about the holidays and wanting to be with family, and something was said that we’ll both never forget.  I think I will always remember it.  We are our own family, and as long as we are together, we will always be home.  This is one of the most beautiful and most important thoughts that we have ever shared in our relationship, and it’s what this post is about, viewing a committed couple as a family in itself.  Stick with me.

One night last week, I was doing some thinking, and a very compelling thought, and this basis of this post came into my mind.  A relationship and the way that it functions or does not function, for better or for worse, can ultimately be the foundation for a future family.  What do I mean by that?  Well, it’s really both very simple, and as complex as you want to make it.  I believe that the way we treat each other now, the way that we love, the respect that we show, and the mistakes that we learn from are the beginnings of a foundation for our marriage, and, ultimately, a family with our future children.

Think about it, as human beings we are always forming patterns and habits.  They say it takes about two months to form a habit.  That means after about two months, generally, you’ll start to do something without thinking or reminding yourself.  Well, that can be very good or very bad.  I don’t think this is any different in a relationship.  This isn’t a revolutionary idea.  Most people who have made it to adulthood probably know that if someone treats you badly when your relationship is new, whether that is romantic or a friendship or even a business relationship, things aren’t likely to change.  That’s just how they are.  I believe this can work in a very positive way as well.

If we look back on our relationship and remember examples of dishonesty, mistrust, or disrespect, seeds of doubt will blossom.  It will be harder to trust, harder to be honest, harder to give respect, because there will be a reason to be afraid that it won’t be returned.  But if we look back on our relationship and remember example after example of our partner proving to us repeatedly that they are honest, trustworthy and trusting, and respectful, we know that it is safe to return those things, that our heart is safe with them.  We’ll know that we can count on them, and lean on them, because they have proven it.  This is the same way it will be when we are married, and I am glad that I will have the security that comes from years of examples that he is exactly the man he promises to be.

I fully believe that the sense of security that gives me will be reflected in my daily life with David.  I also believe that children know when things aren’t right.  They know when their parents are under stress and strain.  When the person they depend on is afraid or worried they can tell, and they take on a little bit of that insecurity themselves, even though they don’t usually realize that.  When they see their parents happy and loving, they will know that their parents have love to give.

I also believe, and evidence will back me up–frankly you can probably just think back to your own childhood or someone else you know and see this–that the attitude a woman, or man, has toward her or his partner will be reflected in the attitude of their children toward the other.  I show David my utmost respect, and to be honest, I have noticed that in respecting him as I do, others in my life assume that he is worthy of respect.  They take my cues because I know him and I’m close to him.  This will be even more important when we have children because children are impressionable and vulnerable and take their cues entirely from you at first as to who is safe to trust and respect.  If I set a good example for them, they are more likely to respect him as their father.  If a child’s parent doesn’t respect the choices their partner makes, why would the child?  I respect David as a man, as a leader in our relationship, and someday I know I will have a great respect for the father he will become.

Please understand that I do not mean to say that a child has to have two parents, or that divorced parents are not good parents.  What I am saying is that when a child sees their parent showing love, they will take it as an example.

This is so important to me.  Something that I have seen a lot of is that parents teach their children how to love, whether wrong or right.  I’ve seen good examples and bad examples.  There are so many studies, books, popular culture references, and people have been writing songs about it for a very long time.  Children tend to love the way they were taught to love.  This is something that is carried with us into adulthood.  We either follow the example of our parents or we make an effort not to follow in their footsteps.

I know that our children will someday have the right examples of what love means.  They will know that love is a wonderful thing, to love and to be loved.  They will know that love does last.  They will know that love is a living, growing thing that you nurture and keep strong.  They will know that you never run out of love to give.  That love doesn’t go away no matter what happens, that David and I will always love each other and we will always love them.  They will know that love never ever hurts, if anything, love heals.  That will start now, today.  Someday our children will be better off because we are building a strong foundation for a family by growing together in love that is only stronger every day.

Again, please don’t take this personally.  There are many wonderful single parents.  Many wonderful divorced parents with happy children who live and love well, and people who had wonderful loving parents but just didn’t follow in their footsteps.  I don’t mean to put anyone down.  All i mean to say is that I believe that building a good relationship now will build a strong foundation for a better future together.

How Does She Feel About That?

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Christianity, Faith, family, Friends, God, Life, Love, Philosophy, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality

I have so many ideas for posts right now, but unfortunately I’ve been a little sick and very lazy.  Today, though, I decided that I would just commit and start writing. I’m hoping this will be an effective strategy to break through my writers block.  If you see this post published, you’ll know it was.

One of the things I’ve wanted to write about is a question that comes up from time to time as people are learning about the relationship David and I have.  Someone asked him this a few weeks ago I guess, and I joked that perhaps we should have some cards printed up with my answer on them to speed things along.  David doesn’t go to church, and I do.  When people learn this, they tend to ask the same question.  ”How does she feel about that?”  Well, aren’t you lucky?  Because today I’m going to give you an answer.  Now, the answer to this is both very simple and a little complex.  For the purposes of this blog, though, I’m going to try to keep things concise while still expanding on my feelings a bit.

The simple answer to this question is, I’m not worried about it.  There, question answered.  Move along, nothing to see here.

I’m kidding, come back.

I know that isn’t what people expect, but it’s the simple truth.  It’s never worried me.  I don’t think about it all that much.  It has never been a problem in our relationship.  I know in my heart and believe with every fiber of my being that we are both where we need to be.  I believe that he was meant to be in my life, that our love is something that was inevitable, and that our love is meant to be for always.  I don’t feel the need to try to change him.

Coming from a Southern Baptist background, being raised in a home with a very conservative father, I can see why people ask this question.  I know a lot of people believe that Christians should only date other Christians who have been baptized, belong to a church they attend regularly, pray every day, have read the Bible multiple times cover to cover, ask a blessing for every meal, have it all together, and are very religious.  I respect that opinion, and in this post, I’m really not going to try and refute that.  If that is what you believe, and you feel called to make those your requirements, that is what you need to do.  Please don’t let me sway you.

I have gone to church since before I could talk.  I have read the Bible since I was old enough to read.  I do not have all the answers, and I do not believe any of us do.  I believe if you believe the Bible, you should believe that as well.  No human being has all the answers.  Something I do believe is that we have been given the ability to know right from wrong and to be able to feel what is good and what is not deep within ourselves.  We all have personal convictions, and it is important to listen to those.  That presence within me has never urged me to try to change David.  To the contrary, it has given me peace and security in the knowledge that he was meant to love me in the way that men are intended to love.  It has also given me the tranquil quiet assurance that he will be the leader I need in our relationship.  I have never had any doubts.  The love we share feels good, clean, and pure.  What I feel convicted to do is to be a good partner for him, to accept his love, and to allow him to be what I need in my life.

Some people think that a Christian woman shouldn’t marry a man who isn’t in church because he can’t lead a wife and family in living a godly life.  I’m telling you right now that this is not a concern to me at all.  We haven’t married yet, that’s true, but I have seen evidence that he is perfectly capable.  I was in quite a state when he found me.  I don’t care to expand on that, but my life was a mess to be honest.  I had been through some very dark things and I’d made some mistakes that I just couldn’t shake the guilt of.  I’d held onto my faith, but I felt like I was treading water, scrambling to be something I knew I was meant to be.  When David came into my life, he crashed through my walls and saw my pain, my guilt, and the good that was inside me.  He accepted it all, and loved me unconditionally.

Little by little he revealed to me what he knew I was capable of and I confided in him the things I struggle with, the things I wanted for my future, the kind of woman I wanted to grow to be.  He showed me the way that he lives, his deeply held convictions, and we shared them.  He inspires me to be better, he won’t settle for anything less than my best.  He shows me the woman I always was, the woman he saw and fell in love with, and he helps me to live in a way that leaves me doubtless about my character.  He has brought a new level of honesty into my life.  I confide in him when I have guilt or doubts about myself and he puts me at ease.  I know that he can love me in the way that I never thought about before he came into my life.  He can love me in a way that is Christ-like.

I am a better woman now and a stronger woman than before he came into my life. Now, that isn’t only because of him, I have some wonderful people in my life, and I have worked hard myself to move forward in a way that makes me proud of the person I am becoming each day.  But, he has brought only good into my life.  The goodness within him leaves me awestruck at times.  The gentle love and care that he gives me could move me to tears, and has before.  Not only that, but I have never felt as much peace, fulfillment, and faith as I do now.  I have never been closer to God.  He is a part of that.  So, if you worry for me that he isn’t right for me or is not what I need, that he will be a stumbling block to me, please don’t.  If you worry for him that he isn’t where he needs to be, I ask that you please try not to.  I know in my heart that God sees him as I do.  It feels good to feel sure that I am living my destiny, and to see my purpose clearly.  (Maybe more about that later.)  It feels even better to be blessed to have the man who was made for me, who I was made for, to walk that path with.

This is not written to make any theological statements, as should be evident from the lack of scriptural references.  I’m not really interested in a religious debate.  I just wanted to share the way i feel about this part of our relationship for those who are curious.  Especially those who are close to us. Please be respectful of this, should you choose to comment.