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Christianity, Faith, family, Friends, God, Life, Love, Philosophy, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality
I have so many ideas for posts right now, but unfortunately I’ve been a little sick and very lazy. Today, though, I decided that I would just commit and start writing. I’m hoping this will be an effective strategy to break through my writers block. If you see this post published, you’ll know it was.
One of the things I’ve wanted to write about is a question that comes up from time to time as people are learning about the relationship David and I have. Someone asked him this a few weeks ago I guess, and I joked that perhaps we should have some cards printed up with my answer on them to speed things along. David doesn’t go to church, and I do. When people learn this, they tend to ask the same question. ”How does she feel about that?” Well, aren’t you lucky? Because today I’m going to give you an answer. Now, the answer to this is both very simple and a little complex. For the purposes of this blog, though, I’m going to try to keep things concise while still expanding on my feelings a bit.
The simple answer to this question is, I’m not worried about it. There, question answered. Move along, nothing to see here.
I’m kidding, come back.
I know that isn’t what people expect, but it’s the simple truth. It’s never worried me. I don’t think about it all that much. It has never been a problem in our relationship. I know in my heart and believe with every fiber of my being that we are both where we need to be. I believe that he was meant to be in my life, that our love is something that was inevitable, and that our love is meant to be for always. I don’t feel the need to try to change him.
Coming from a Southern Baptist background, being raised in a home with a very conservative father, I can see why people ask this question. I know a lot of people believe that Christians should only date other Christians who have been baptized, belong to a church they attend regularly, pray every day, have read the Bible multiple times cover to cover, ask a blessing for every meal, have it all together, and are very religious. I respect that opinion, and in this post, I’m really not going to try and refute that. If that is what you believe, and you feel called to make those your requirements, that is what you need to do. Please don’t let me sway you.
I have gone to church since before I could talk. I have read the Bible since I was old enough to read. I do not have all the answers, and I do not believe any of us do. I believe if you believe the Bible, you should believe that as well. No human being has all the answers. Something I do believe is that we have been given the ability to know right from wrong and to be able to feel what is good and what is not deep within ourselves. We all have personal convictions, and it is important to listen to those. That presence within me has never urged me to try to change David. To the contrary, it has given me peace and security in the knowledge that he was meant to love me in the way that men are intended to love. It has also given me the tranquil quiet assurance that he will be the leader I need in our relationship. I have never had any doubts. The love we share feels good, clean, and pure. What I feel convicted to do is to be a good partner for him, to accept his love, and to allow him to be what I need in my life.
Some people think that a Christian woman shouldn’t marry a man who isn’t in church because he can’t lead a wife and family in living a godly life. I’m telling you right now that this is not a concern to me at all. We haven’t married yet, that’s true, but I have seen evidence that he is perfectly capable. I was in quite a state when he found me. I don’t care to expand on that, but my life was a mess to be honest. I had been through some very dark things and I’d made some mistakes that I just couldn’t shake the guilt of. I’d held onto my faith, but I felt like I was treading water, scrambling to be something I knew I was meant to be. When David came into my life, he crashed through my walls and saw my pain, my guilt, and the good that was inside me. He accepted it all, and loved me unconditionally.
Little by little he revealed to me what he knew I was capable of and I confided in him the things I struggle with, the things I wanted for my future, the kind of woman I wanted to grow to be. He showed me the way that he lives, his deeply held convictions, and we shared them. He inspires me to be better, he won’t settle for anything less than my best. He shows me the woman I always was, the woman he saw and fell in love with, and he helps me to live in a way that leaves me doubtless about my character. He has brought a new level of honesty into my life. I confide in him when I have guilt or doubts about myself and he puts me at ease. I know that he can love me in the way that I never thought about before he came into my life. He can love me in a way that is Christ-like.
I am a better woman now and a stronger woman than before he came into my life. Now, that isn’t only because of him, I have some wonderful people in my life, and I have worked hard myself to move forward in a way that makes me proud of the person I am becoming each day. But, he has brought only good into my life. The goodness within him leaves me awestruck at times. The gentle love and care that he gives me could move me to tears, and has before. Not only that, but I have never felt as much peace, fulfillment, and faith as I do now. I have never been closer to God. He is a part of that. So, if you worry for me that he isn’t right for me or is not what I need, that he will be a stumbling block to me, please don’t. If you worry for him that he isn’t where he needs to be, I ask that you please try not to. I know in my heart that God sees him as I do. It feels good to feel sure that I am living my destiny, and to see my purpose clearly. (Maybe more about that later.) It feels even better to be blessed to have the man who was made for me, who I was made for, to walk that path with.
You are bright and brave and bold! Continued happiness in your journey of love!
Thank you.
Rachel, I agree with you completely. It’s the love, respect, and care that David gives you that is important. Many people go to church but don’t have the morals that David does. He is with you because God wants you two to be together.
Thank you Diane. I always enjoy hearing from you.
I relate so much to everything you said…my husband does not go to church either and we get questioned all the time. When he met me, I too was at my absolute lowest of lows having been through probably the most horrible things I’ve ever encountered. And if it weren’t for M, I don’t know how I ever would of got out and became the woman I am today. I truly believe that God sees his heart and knows as I do that my husband has faith – he just isn’t comfortable yet expressing it the way I do. I know God has a plan for him as he does for all of us and it will be fufilled in God’s perfect time. Neither I nor anyone else can say or do anything to change him. Beautiful post – it was so nice to know someone else has to deal with the same issues!
Oh my gosh, thank you for commenting, Stephanie. I definitely relate to a lot of what you’re saying, as I’m sure you can tell from the post, and I’m glad you could relate. It’s nice to know that my words have helped you feel that you aren’t alone in this peculiar situation. I always love knowing how people felt about what I’ve written so I really appreciate your comment.
I had the same feelings until I realized I was tired of going to church alone. It made me feel empty and alone. It was part of my life that I couldn’t share, and it bothered me. It did become one of the reasons that ended my marriage.
I’m sorry that happened in your marriage, Tarra. I assume you go by Tarra and not Tarra Jo? He actually goes to church with me any time I want when he’s here. So I won’t have to go alone if it’s a problem for me. I understand how that could be lonely. He’s been great about sharing this part of my life.
I would like to say a couple of things here. I agree with you for the most part. What David bring out in you is very important. I would not question at all your desire to be together or that God will bless this marriage.
That being said, I cannot agree about the “truth deep inside us” or our “inner most feelings” being trustworthy (not that you used either of those phrases). The Bible clearly states our heart is desperately wicked and that we should not trust it. Please don’t misunderstand; the fact that David has changed you and your faith has become through stronger as a result may in fact mean you are meant to be together. I am not in a position to judge your fitness as a couple (although it appears to be healthy to me). But I hope and pray you are judging that from the standpoint of the Word and not solely on feelings.
One more thing; to what Tarra said; I know women that when they stopped worrying so much about church and started being Biblical in their relationship with their husbands (i.e. honoring and, gulp, obeying them, not putting expectations on them, etc.) won their husbands to begin following Christ. From the many posts you have on this blog you seem to get that and it’s great that David encourages and shares in your fellowship with other believers when he is visiting you. From the distance from which I am viewing your relationship it seems to be really good. We are praying for you both and look forward to the day when you join the family (Lord willing). In the meantime, we hope to see you soon!
Hi Bobby,
Thanks again for commenting. I always like to know when people have read my posts, it makes things less mysterious that way.
In reference to the second part of your comment… I understand what you mean. Honestly, I think this is just a matter of terminology. In an effort to keep this post concise I didn’t really want to describe at length my beliefs about that particular aspect. More just give a feel for what I meant. I think you’ll understand better though that what I mean is that I feel that through the Holy Spirit I have been given peace of mind that this is what God intends for me.
Speaking in terms of spirituality, I do think that the way my life has changed and the fact that I continue to grow with him spiritually is just one sign that we are meant to be together. For what it’s worth, I have prayed about him and our relationship from the beginning, and in this, too, I have always felt peace and certainty. How blessed I am, truly.
To your response about Tarra’s comment: Honestly, I’d be curious to discuss your take on that a little more if you’d like to, Bobby. I’m glad that people see our relationship in a positive light. It is really good for us, and I know it has been wonderful for me. I truly appreciate your prayers. I can’t wait to officially join our families either. I have become really very attached to his family and although it may seem a bit early I guess, those in his family I have gotten to know have a place in my heart. If nothing else, we’ll see you around online.
Oops, I meant to say one more thing about Tarra’s response: I don’t in any way mean that she failed in fulfilling her role as a wife. I have no idea about her situation and I am not in a position to judge that. I was just speaking in general terms.
Oh, that was nice of you to clarify. I know I never thought that you meant that, but I can see where that might have been unclear.
Thank you so much for this endearing look into your life it has brought me back to my center. I have a similar situation and have recently gone through very hard struggles emotionally and spiritually. It makes me feel better knowing there are others that do make it work. Thank you again and wish all the best in your love, life, and future endeavers.
God Bless
You are more than welcome Shannon. Again, I am so glad that my writing has at least made people feel like they aren’t alone. Your comment is really touching and I want you to know that it does mean something to me, truly, including your well wishes. God bless you Shannon, in all that you do, and comfort you in your times of need.